Are you staying in your own pandemic pod for Thanksgiving? Do you have wine or other alcoholic beverages? Great. You’re ready for a Zoom Thanksgiving with the rest of your family.

(But also: please drink responsibly, OK? You could even drink seltzer instead of booze if your goal is to have amazing burps. Live your dreams.)

Drink when:

• Your mom asks if you just woke up.

• Your dad makes a Tofurky joke.

• Someone starts talking on mute. Bonus: drink again when someone says “you’re muted.” 

• You can only see someone’s chin and neck.

• You see the reflection of someone’s ring light in their glasses.

• Someone yells to their offscreen child, “No, put it down! I said put it down. Right now.” Then rolls their eyes, mutes themselves, and leaves the screen.

• Someone drops mashed potatoes on their computer. 

• Someone’s phone drops into the mashed potatoes.

• Someone says “No, you go ahead.” 

• Someone shares an appetizer recipe in the chat that somehow involves crushed Cheetos.

• A child suddenly appears on the screen to show everyone a drawing that looks like boobs.

• Your teenage cousin blatantly watches TikTok videos on his phone.

• Someone turns on Christmas music. 

• Someone shares an article about “Biden’s illegal victory” in the chat. 

• Someone’s phone falls over and you can only see a napkin.

• An elderly relative falls asleep.

Finish your drink when: 

• Your brother starts a sentence with “So, actually….” and everyone else mutes themselves.

• Someone reveals they aren’t wearing pants.

• You take off your own pants.

• You successfully minimize the Zoom window and buy leggings online without anyone noticing you have fully disengaged from the conversation.

• You click the Leave Meeting button, and then forget you also have to click the other Leave Meeting button. 
  

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!